Do you ever wonder how life is so beautiful or enjoyable and so painful at the same time? Well, sometimes, you cannot appreciate beauty without pain. I do not mean that life has to be all painful. No. Can you enjoy and appreciate beauty without pain? Yes, you can. So how do you deal with the worst times? You first of all have to understand that wonders, shocks, surprises are commonalities of life. They happen daily and to live better, you have to have a hang of them. Truth is, when certain things happen to you, you are not only left speechless but blank. They are things that happen to other people and you hear them. When they happen to you, you just feel like your life is over. It is way easier to tell someone else to ‘take heart.’

Recently, a friend’s girlfriend revealed to him that she was seeing someone else. It is not like people’s hearts do not get broken daily. But sometimes, you just do not expect it from the people who give it to you. He did not know how to reconcile the fact that he loved her very much and she used to say she loved him too up until she told him she was seeing someone else. He had felt they would last. When he related the story to me, it was very deep for him. A sharp cut.

When bad things that should bring you down happen to you, how do you handle them? Like I said in my first paragraph, you first need to understand and come to terms with that fact that these things happen. It is one thing to understand. It is another thing to come to terms with it. Coming to terms with it means you agree and you are willing to accept that it can happen to you from anyone.

 How do you deal with the pain? The first step to dealing with what we can term ‘the worst’ is to allow yourself feel the pain. Do not, I repeat, do not ever tell yourself that, “no, whatever, I do not care.” That is a lie. You do care. Your loved one dies, you care! You did not get the job you were so earnestly thinking that you would get, you care! You lost your money in a business, you care! The girl you were asking out said no, you care! Your husband left you, you care! Your best friend stopped speaking to you, you very well care! If it is bad, it is painful and you care. Don’t brush it off because it will come back to taunt you and this time, you may not be able to control your emotions. So, feel the pain. Cry like a baby if you need to. Express your hurt but do not hurt yourself or anybody else in the process. The best way to express yourself is to give yourself a time limit depending on the magnitude of the pain. A week…a month…3 months…6 months… One year max if your loved one dies. Letting yourself feel the pain is the best way to deal with it and move on with your life. When the limit you set is beginning to elapse, you begin to brace yourself to move on. Spend time doing what you love. It will be much easier to come back to real life and continue to live.

If you are a Christian, let God hold your heart when it’s broken, He will heal, repair, mend it and restore you. Don’t come out in your strength, hang on and let Him bring you out.  He knows when you are ready and He won’t stretch it more than it needs to. 

In all of this, do not ever feel the need to be defensive or protective of your space. Live life like you have never been hurt and be vulnerable. Be open and let people see the real you.