ANGER MANAGEMENT

People who fly into a rage will always make a bad landing- Will Rogers. Anger is instinctual. It is a normal human emotion. It is natural. We often do not have a choice whether or not to get angry when faced with certain situation. What we do have a choice over is controlling it and managing it when it comes. Anger is simply a show of displeasure. We are meant to be displeased, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that but when the displeasure begins to build into something constant, maybe physical and often, then there is everything wrong with that. Anger management is a skill and should be learnt. So as someone who is easily angered, take it step by step. Just like any skill, it will take some time to learn. Be patient with yourself.

 

A Word of Warning

The first step in gaining control of anger is to recognize its warning signs. You have to be aware of symptoms that your anger is about to build up, so that you can catch yourself early and make the necessary intervention. This process involves taking yourself from the ‘moment’ and observing your own reactions from a third person point of view.

Warning signs of anger exists in a range. Some are very obvious; others very subtle. They differ from person to person. 

Signs of anger can be physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral. 

 

 Emotional signs of anger include:

• sadness
• irritability
• guilt
• resentment
• feeling like you need to hurt someone
• needing to be alone

 

• needing to isolate one’s self
• numbness

 

 Behavioral signs of anger include:

• clenching of fist
• pounding of fist on any surface
• pacing
• raising one’s voice
• any act of aggression/ passive-aggression Physical signs of anger include:
• rapid heart rate
• difficulty breathing
• headache
• stomachache
• sweating
• feeling hot in the face and neck
• shaking

 

Mental signs of anger include:

• difficulty concentrating
• obsessing on the situation
• thinking vengeful thoughts
• cynicism

 

 

Using Coping Thoughts

Once you realize that you are angry, or that you’re about to get angry, you can start calming yourself mentally. The following are just a few mental scripts you can use to keep your anger under control. 

• Calm down first, and think this through.
• This may not be as bad as it seems.
• This is just one incident — it doesn’t define my life.
• I am capable of managing this situation.
• It’s alright to be upset. / I have the right to be upset in this situation. / I am angry.
• What needs to be done immediately? (Damage control/ solution-focused mode).
• Bad things/ Mistakes do happen/ Nothings says that things will go right all the time.
• There is no need to feel threatened here.
• I have no control over other people and their feelings. But I have control over myself.
• I have managed anger successfully before and I will again.      

Using Relaxation Techniques

Another way to help you control your anger is to intentionally induce yourself to a state of calm. This can help especially in addressing the physical symptoms of anger. 

Relaxation techniques that you can do include:

1. Breathing Exercises

Deliberately controlling your breathing can help a person calm down. Ways to do this include:

breathing through one’s nose and exhaling through one’s mouth, breathing from one’s diagram, and breathing rhythmically. 

2. Meditation

Meditation is a way of exercising mental discipline. Most meditation techniques involve increasing self-awareness, monitoring thoughts, and focusing. Meditation techniques include prayer, the repetition of a mantra, and relaxing movement or postures. 

3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

PMR is a technique of stress management that involves mentally inducing your muscles to tense and relax. PMR usually focuses on areas of the body where tension is commonly felt, such as the head, shoulders, and chest area. It’s a way to exercise the power of the mind over the body.

4. Visualization

Visualization is the use of mental imagery to induce relaxation. Some visualization exercise involves picturing a place of serenity and comfort, such as a beach or a garden. Other visualization exercises involve imagining the release of anger in a metaphorical form. An example of this latter kind of visualization is imagining one’s anger as a ball to be released to space.

5. Music

Some people find listening to music as very relaxing. The kind of music that’s calming differs from person to person; traditional relaxation music includes classical pieces, acoustic sounds, and even ambient noises.

6. Art and Crafts

There are people who find working with their hands as a good way to relax. This is especially true for people who feel their tensions in their hands. Drawing pictures, paper construction and sculpting are just some of the ways to de-stress when faced with an anger trigger. Arts and crafts are helpful because it keeps a person from obsessing on the anger while he or she is still in the recovery phase of the anger cycle.           

Blowing Off Some Steam

Another way of controlling your anger is by getting the anger energy out— blowing off steam. These techniques are especially helpful when you are in the crisis phase of the anger cycle. 

The following are some constructive ways of blowing off steam: 

1. Screaming

If the place would allow it, screaming can help release the tensions and frustrations that come with anger. Think of the thing that angers you the most, build momentum, and let it out in one big shout. You may also scream out the words you wish you could say if the venue is appropriate; the louder the scream, the better.

2. Physical Activity

Many people find exercise, sports, dancing and even just pacing about, as effective ways to vent anger. This makes sense; if the fight and flight response gears a person for physical action, then physical action might indeed be the best way to deal with the anger. Physical activity is also believed to release endorphins, our natural mood regulators. 

3. Pillow Punching

The need to fight back may be channeled through punching pillows. Pillows provide a safe way to release tensions; it’s safe not just for the object of the anger but also for one’s self. Related techniques include wringing out towels and breaking old plates.

4. Writing

If physical activities are not your thing, you can blow off steam by expressing your thoughts and feelings in writing. You can write in an unstructured way, simply putting on paper the first thing that comes to your mind. You can also be more creative about it, and channel your anger through poetry or song.

5. Singing

Here’s a new one: vent your anger by going to your nearest videoke or karaoke bar. Many people find singing therapeutic, especially if the song lyrics and melody matches one’s mood.